What inspires you?
Why do you continue to do the things that you do?
I've always considered myself as a go-getter, it's one goal after another. Life hasn't always been easy. My parents sacrificed a lot to get us where we are as a family; I'll always be thankful for that. In fact, that's probably one of the biggest reasons as to why I work as hard as I do...MY FAMILY.
I wasn't always close with my siblings, growing up as the eldest and eccentric one in the family; it was always hard for me to relate with them. I was too busy in exploring what the world has to offer for me. To travel and to wander at places I've never been to before. Overtime, what most would consider exemplary accomplishments became just another goal I've checked off the list...Onto the next one.
I've become so future oriented that I've stopped acknowledging the accomplishments that I've had in the past. I graduated university and am now a registered nurse, I've backpacked, danced, and vibed with amazing people in a decent amount of countries, I've been a part of awesome artistic productions, I'm still continuing to expand my artistic craft, I own a home and I'm growing a business while figuring it out...all before I'm 30!
But with being so future oriented, I struggle with the present...and still stumble living in it day by day. It's true what they say, the dreams we have, become our reality! I dream big, an eternal idealist that lives in a fucked up system. Five years as a psych nurse taught me exactly how twisted and blinded humanity can become to our own comforts.
So comfortable in the security of our paycheques; that to illicit change for some human injustice becomes an unnecessary inconvenience called change.I guess somewhere inside of me, I feared comfortability because of my distaste of what it created. Hence, I always felt that I have to strive...work...hustle...move! It's that can't stop, won't stop attitude.
But alas, this last few months have been a heck of a 180...With only a few days left before this year ends; I have come to a place where I've been forced to literally slow the fuck down... My body finally caught up with my hustle.
In the last 26 years of my life; I don't think I've ever felt such a wave of anxiety and I shudder to say feelings of depression cloud over me. I work as a mental health nurse, and I know how much "anxiety and depression" have become some of the biggest scapegoats in today's generation, so I'm very careful when I use these words. In a world where heightened expectations of false comparisons are as easy to breathe as the air we breathe; the unrealistic pressure we build on ourselves becomes inevitable.
My accomplishments became air; and I stopped and forgot the nourishment of being grateful of the process.
In the process of wanting to build something, so that I can have time for what really matters to me... time with my family; Ironically, I had very little time I spent with my family, and little by little I became depleted until there was nothing left for me to give.
I had my eyes set on how I was going to accomplish things, so adamant in controlling and planning the process, that when things didn't pan out the way I had envisioned it, and I had a roadblock.....I crashed; emotionally, mentally, and physically.
So what do I do now.
I dance with time. It's a constant dance; to find your rhythm and your flow and be consistent in it. A little push a little pull. Flowing and being one with time; never forgetting to be in that present moment and to embrace the tension that's within it. If time is your partner and you're dancing with it, you can't dance and be one with it without tension...otherwise, you'd get nowhere.
I'm not perfect, I'm still working on it and will probably continue dancing with it the rest of my life; but right now... it starts with gratitude day by day...
Giving God gratitude for the expected and the unexpected.
What inspires me?